I am not going swimming again on a Saturday morning. Too full of tossers who keep bumping into everybody. No soonewr had we got rid of blind barry - a slow crawler whose goggles steam up so badly that he can’t see what he’s doing - than the famous flailing fanny turned up splashed everybody for two lengths before standing at the bottom end talking to the fattest women in the pool about her bad leg - and was still going on aboujt it eight lengths later.

But the worst was a new idiot who adopted a kind of backwards butterfly which involved waving his arms about like a musical conductor and hitting as many people as possible!